Chapter 1: The Struggle with Ego

I consider myself someone who is quite open-minded and eager to learn, readily acknowledging my gaps in knowledge. However, as the old Romans might have said, "no rule without exceptions," and I find there are certain areas where my openness falters.

For instance, there are subjects that I feel should be part of my essential knowledge base. In addition to general topics like history, geography, and literature, I have a specific interest in the scientific and technical fields I studied during my university years. I often feel a wave of dread at the thought of not being able to discuss aircraft mechanics or, even worse, electronics! By now, I ought to have a firm grasp on concepts like Laplace transforms, derivatives, and imaginary numbers. To be honest, I can't even recall all the topics I should be well-versed in...

While complex subjects can be somewhat excusable, the real embarrassment comes from forgetting fundamental concepts. I vividly remember a time when I applied for a master's program in Munich and was invited for an interview. It was for the electrical engineering faculty (or so I think!). In a last-ditch effort to prepare, I delved into some challenging material. However, when the interview commenced, I blanked on the very first question: "What are the three methods of generating electricity?" The shame I felt was overwhelming, and my ego took quite a hit.

Additionally, I've noticed that I often question facts I once accepted without hesitation—things I learned by rote but never fully understood. I find myself avoiding clarification, feeling too embarrassed to confront my own ignorance.

How could I not know this?

Why didn't I ask these questions back when I was learning?

Why didn't I ponder these concepts before?

In conversations with family and friends, we often use phrases or ideas that go unchallenged. I hesitate to ask for clarification, fearing I might be the only one who doesn't understand—my ego simply won't allow it. However, I've made strides by asking ChatGPT about basic concepts, a move that felt less daunting than a traditional search engine.

Thirdly, I'm apprehensive about discovering I might be wrong. This is especially true for topics where I have a superficial understanding—like finance, investments, art, writing, or nutrition. I feel somewhat knowledgeable but often stop my research prematurely, believing I know enough. This leads to a casual dismissal, thinking, "Well, logically, this is how it works."

I sense that in areas like investing, I might uncover mistakes I've made or realize I've held onto misconceptions for too long, which would undoubtedly embarrass me. It's as if I'm hesitant to dig deeper into the subject matter—my ego resists the idea of being incorrect!

It's hard to determine which of these three issues is the most detrimental. After all, what's the harm in forgetting something? Perhaps it simply wasn't interesting to me, and I never had the opportunity to apply that knowledge practically. Our brains naturally discard what isn't needed.

What's wrong with not knowing certain basics? I genuinely believe I should have asked more questions and challenged what I was taught to gain a deeper understanding of the world. Now, I find myself on a journey to change that, and I should take pride in this progress.

What's wrong with being wrong? Perhaps it's better to discover the truth than to remain in ignorance.

Everyone starts as a novice, and nobody possesses all knowledge. Yet, I struggle to remind myself of this daily, especially when faced with new challenges or uncertainties. Battling my ego is a tiring endeavor, which is why I often find myself avoiding it.

I sincerely hope that, over time, I can cultivate a more open mindset.

Chapter 2: Learning from Mistakes

The first video titled "It's Not You, It's Me | John 3:17-19" explores how we often project our insecurities onto others, hindering our ability to learn and grow.

The second video titled "Responding to Ignorance and Attacks on Faith | John 9:28-34" addresses how to engage constructively with challenging questions and perspectives, reinforcing the importance of open dialogue.