Step One: The Beginning of the End

It all starts innocently enough. You skip a workout—no big deal, right? One missed session turns into two, and before long, the only running you’re doing is during a Netflix binge.

“I’ll get back on track next week,” you convince yourself, all while polishing off that family-sized bag of chips. Spoiler alert: you probably won’t.

As the saying goes, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Or in my case, it’s lined with pizza crusts and empty soda cans.

Step Two: Snack Attack

Photo by No Revisions on Unsplash

Ah, the snacks. Initially, they’re just small treats, tiny incentives for a job well done. But soon, they evolve into full-blown meals. At one point, I could have sworn my pantry was whispering to me, seducing me with the promise of, “Just one more bite won’t hurt.”

Of course, that one bite quickly turns into an entire bag. It’s almost as if snack companies engineered their products to vanish into thin air. How else could I finish a whole bag in one sitting?

You know you’ve hit a new low when “Second Dinner” and “Midnight Munchies” become part of your routine. Grocery shopping starts to feel like an extreme sport, and you find yourself questioning, “Why did I buy so much cheese?” as you devour it straight from the package.

Step Three: The Troubling Fit

Then comes the shocking moment when you attempt to squeeze into those jeans you’ve owned for years, only to discover they no longer fit. But it’s okay! Thank goodness for stretchy pants. Seriously, who came up with those? A true lifesaver.

“Who needs real pants, anyway?” I would mutter, diving deeper into a realm of elastic waistbands and oversized shirts that could double as tents. At some point, you stop looking in mirrors entirely because, let’s face it, who wants to confront that reality?

Step Four: The Wake-Up Moment

Eventually, the wake-up call arrives. It might be when a friend casually suggests a hike, and you realize the last time you “hiked” was from the couch to the fridge.

Or perhaps it dawns on you when you struggle to tie your shoes without pulling a muscle. For me, it was the moment I found it hard to ascend a flight of stairs without gasping for breath like I’d just completed a marathon.

Nothing like a little public embarrassment to make you reassess your choices. “So this is what rock bottom feels like,” I thought as I collapsed on the third step of my apartment building, wheezing like an asthmatic cat.

Step Five: The Journey Back (Kind Of)

Now, here’s where the comeback is supposed to happen, right? I wish I could say I turned everything around with a green smoothie and a gym membership.

But let’s face it; I’m still in the early stages of recovery. Baby steps, my friends. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was this body that I’ve let go for so long.

“Progress, not perfection” is my mantra now as I slowly work my way back to functioning like a regular adult. I’m down to just three snacks a day, and occasionally, I even consume something green. However, no promises about the stretchy pants; they’re here to stay.