Chapter 1: The Weight of Past Conflicts

How often do you find yourself replaying old arguments in your mind? How much time do you invest pondering what you "could have said" or countering with "Well, actually..."?

I've been there too. Just recently, I managed to win a debate in my head about a conversation I had with my former boss six months ago. But was that victory worth it?

Why do we dwell on past disagreements or decisions? What makes them linger for days, weeks, or even years?

Even when we understand that this behavior is unhealthy for our emotional and mental well-being, we still engage in it, fully aware that we can't change what has already transpired.

We crave closure, the satisfaction of being right. And it's easy to argue with someone who's not present to challenge our points or conclusions.

In his work, Awareness, Anthony De Mello highlights our instinct for self-preservation, which is amplified by our egos. Our egos convince us that our choices are justified, protecting our self-esteem in the process.

But is it truly detrimental to our ego when it takes a hit?

Ryan Holiday explores this idea in his book, aptly titled Ego is the Enemy. This was the first book where I started making notes and underlining passages, engaging in a dialogue with the author to grasp his insights fully.

Our egos are toxic. They inflate our self-importance and create an unrealistic sense of grandeur that can harm our relationships, careers, and mental well-being.

These mental skirmishes are a clever tactic for our egos to keep us anchored in the past, hindering our ability to learn and move forward.

A scene from The Great perfectly illustrates the mindset needed to overcome such challenges. It may seem out of reach, but striving for it is worthwhile.

In the scene, Peter, the Russian emperor, lashes out at Leo, a man he brought into Catherine's life. After Peter calms down and leaves, Leo sits down for breakfast as if nothing happened.

"Don't you want to retaliate?"

"No, I prefer to enjoy my meal, which is what I'm doing right now..."

"But he just assaulted you!"

"That was moments ago."

Leo's response, while difficult to embrace, serves as a reminder of how to counter our egos. Small, daily steps toward peace can lead to substantial progress.

"Well, actually…"

Pause… breathe… It was moments ago.

"Ugh! I should have said 'X and Y' during that discussion…"

Pause… breathe… It was moments ago.

We will face defeats and make mistakes; it's part of being human.

Trying to retroactively win or erase our failures locks us in a cycle that stifles growth and learning. But we "won," right?

Take a moment to breathe mindfully. Remember that argument you're obsessing over?

It was moments ago.

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Chapter 2: Embracing Mindfulness

The first video, "It Was 5 Minutes... 5 MINUTES AGO | Hell's Kitchen," explores the concept of letting go of past tensions and focusing on the present moment.

The second video, "Sy Ari Da Kid - 5 Minutes Ago [Official Video]," reinforces the theme of moving forward rather than dwelling on the past.