Chapter 1: The Start of a Difficult Journey

In 2011, I experienced an unexpected and distressing change: my hair began to fall out in large clumps. Until that point, I had enjoyed long, beautiful hair, which I had taken for granted. Suddenly, it became so thin and light that it would lift in the breeze like a dandelion seed, floating momentarily in the air.

During this challenging period, I struggled to provide for my four children while trying to keep our home. My mortgage payments were manageable since we had been paying down the loan before my divorce. To ease my situation, I had requested the bank to switch to interest-only payments, as losing our home would have been devastating. Unfortunately, my only option for work was a position at a local café. In the UK, those who do not own their homes often receive better support than those who have worked tirelessly to do so. When you face adversity with assets, the government expects you to exhaust your resources before offering assistance, which is why I found solace in café work.

I remain forever thankful for that café job, which allowed me to feed my children while I navigated the process of selling our home. It also meant I could avoid defaulting on my mortgage payments. For women in vulnerable situations who juggle responsibilities and childcare, café employment offers the necessary flexibility that few other employers provide.

The first video discusses the emotional journey of experiencing hair loss due to a significant mistake. It provides insight into the unexpected consequences of stress and trauma.

Chapter 2: The Trauma of Divorce

My hair loss was triggered by a shocking event: the possibility of losing my second daughter. I was informed I had to return to court to contest shared custody with my ex-husband, which caused immense stress for my daughter, who was already grappling with the divorce. I feared she would follow in her sister's footsteps, who had chosen to live with her father at the age of sixteen. I expressed my concerns to her, explaining how difficult it would be for me to be a good mother if she lived with him, given the strain on our relationship. She reassured me it wouldn't happen, but I knew maintaining contact would be a struggle.

The breakdown of my marriage left me deeply traumatized, yet mental health issues were rarely discussed back then, leaving me without support. My solicitor and the Citizens Advice Bureau were of little help, and the school seemed oblivious to my twenty years of experience as a mother. My youthful appearance often worked against me, further isolating me in my time of need.

At one point, I confided in my doctor about my tea addiction, which she found amusing. However, I was serious; my home was littered with half-finished cups, and my daily routine involved boiling the kettle repeatedly. Growing up, I had learned to keep my feelings to myself, making that admission a significant step for me. The dismissal I received only deepened my solitude and shame, prompting me to build invisible walls for protection.

In a discussion about trauma and healing, Lacie Lou cites Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté, who emphasize the vulnerability of exposing oneself psychologically.

Addiction can drain essential nutrients and vitamins. After two years of poor eating habits and reliance on caffeinated drinks, my blood count plummeted to 17. It was no surprise that I often felt fatigued during the day, struggling to stay awake even in a busy classroom.

My GP prescribed iron supplements, but no one inquired about my well-being or acknowledged my struggles as a newly divorced mother of five, who had sacrificed her career to raise her children. The world felt harsh and unkind, especially as I waited to sell my house—a process that took an entire year.

Even the bank was uncooperative when I initially approached them, explaining that I was facing a temporary cash-flow issue. I felt utterly alone, and I believe many of my challenges were exacerbated by the misconceptions held by those who could have supported me.

The second video provides practical advice on preventing hair loss, addressing thinning hair, and understanding the underlying causes of these issues.

Chapter 3: Rebuilding Relationships

Over a decade has passed since those difficult days, and I have successfully re-established a relationship with my daughter through determination and persistence. I believe that maintaining connections requires creative efforts to bond over shared interests, even when living apart. I supported her in whatever way I could, and despite the minimal offerings, we enjoyed many memorable moments together. Social media platforms, such as Candy Crush Saga, became a means for us to bond, reminiscent of the board games we played together before the divorce.

Establishing rituals with my children has proven beneficial, especially during times of conflict. We continued our tradition of visiting a coffee shop for bubble tea and returning to pottery painting places we had frequented for birthdays.

Sharing this challenging story now, after having emerged stronger, I hope to enlighten mental health professionals and divorced parents facing similar struggles. It is vital to recognize hidden issues, such as the potential loss of a child, and the lack of access to decent part-time jobs and support systems.

I would like to express my gratitude to Patsy Fergusson for her invaluable editorial contributions to my narrative. For more stories on navigating the challenges faced by single mothers and women, follow Fourth Wave. If you have a story or poem focusing on women's issues or other marginalized groups, consider sharing it with us.