Chapter 1: The Silence Surrounding Sexuality

Growing up, I lived in a household where discussions about menstruation, contraception, and sexuality were virtually nonexistent. In hindsight, I believe my mother would have appreciated these conversations, but she was raised by more traditional parents, which made such topics taboo. Consequently, she struggled to initiate these discussions with me.

Despite the absence of these conversations at home, I was not completely in the dark. I grew up during a time when the internet was becoming a staple in many households, and sex education was part of the primary school curriculum. However, that knowledge didn’t translate into open dialogue within my family.

At the age of 15, I experienced sex for the first time—an event I don't recall fondly and would prefer to forget. It was poorly timed, in an unsuitable setting, and with the wrong person. While I was hesitant, I was not completely opposed to it. My primary concern was ensuring it was safe, a realization that took me years to fully grasp. The misconception that my partner was using protection was a serious misunderstanding with potentially dangerous consequences.

The following two days were filled with anxiety as I grappled with what to do next. My best friend, who felt like a sister to me, and I spent countless hours online searching for information on how to access emergency contraception. Unfortunately, my sex education had not adequately prepared me for this situation.

As I was still under 16, I required an adult to accompany me. My parents were unaware that I had even kissed someone, let alone gone further. The age difference between my partner and me added another layer of complexity; while we were in the same school year, I was 15 and he was 17 due to our birth dates.

I knew I couldn't approach my mother about this; she was firmly against me having any romantic interactions. I understood her perspective—at that time, I was still her little girl, and she likely wished to shield me from the complexities of relationships. Instead, I sought help from my best friend’s mother.

What set her apart from my own mother was her openness and honesty. Conversations about periods often began at the dinner table, and discussions about boys were common during our car rides to school. She consistently reassured us that we could approach her for help whenever we needed it.

So, I did.

The discussion we had was initially daunting and I struggled to articulate my concerns. However, she navigated the conversation with ease, lightening the mood with a few jokes and ensuring I felt comfortable.

The next day, which unfortunately fell on a Sunday, we drove across town searching for a pharmacy that was open to purchase the morning-after pill. Thankfully, I was still within the 72-hour window for it to be effective. After that day, the topic was never raised again.

I am confident that my mother would have acted similarly if I had approached her. However, I will always remember the kindness of my best friend’s mom. She took it upon herself to help me when I needed it most, showing a profound understanding of the challenges faced by a teenage girl.

This experience has influenced how I plan to approach parenting. I aim to foster an environment of openness with my own child, encouraging discussions about menstruation, safe sex, and consent. When she is ready to consider contraception, I will gladly accompany her—asking just enough questions to satisfy my parental curiosity without making her uncomfortable.

I want my daughter to know she can come to me for support, and I will feel proud of her courage to do so, especially since not every girl is fortunate enough to have a friend with such a supportive mother.

Chapter 2: The Importance of Open Communication