Stay Safe from Coronavirus: 22 Humorous Tips for Survival
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Chapter 1: A Humorous Approach to Health
Navigating the pandemic can be daunting, but sometimes humor is the best medicine. While I’m not a healthcare expert—just a frequent visitor to WebMD to check on my health—I believe we can tackle this together. Feel free to contribute your own tips so we can create a community resource.
Daytime Drinking:
Studies suggest that alcohol can eliminate germs. Therefore, if you maintain a tipsy state throughout the day, you might significantly lower your chances of infection.
The Emergency Roll:
If someone nearby coughs, your best bet is to stop, drop, and roll. If this seems too odd, practice it a few times. Your kids might roll their eyes, but it’s good to be prepared!
Run for It:
When in doubt, just run. If you feel any uncertainty, sprint away!
Get a Cat:
Research indicates that cats can detect the coronavirus. If your feline starts behaving strangely—like knocking over items or obsessively chasing light—you might want to pay attention.
Quarantine with Reading:
Staying home and immersing yourself in Medium articles can keep you both entertained and informed. Check out writers like Helen Cassidy Page or Glenn Flay Jr. for engaging reads.
Avoid Sleeping with Strangers:
While this can be challenging for some, if you do opt for a casual encounter, consider wearing a Hazmat suit. They can be surprisingly fashionable!
Get Hitched Quickly:
A crisis can bring people closer, so why not tie the knot? You might find that marriage feels like a self-imposed quarantine.
Skip the Mosh Pits:
Enjoy concerts from a safe distance rather than diving into the crowd. And remember, marriage might make you less inclined to jump into the pit!
Vote for Smart Candidates:
Intelligent leadership is essential during uncertain times—so consider voting for someone like Elizabeth Warren.
Relocate to Remote Areas:
If it worked for draft dodgers during the Vietnam War, it might work for you too. Just know that it may have more than minimal effects on your lifestyle.
Support Trump (if you're urban):
Larry David has shown this can be an effective strategy. Personally, I avoid family gatherings due to political differences—so it's a win-win.
Daytime Cannabis Use:
Smoking weed can effectively keep you in self-quarantine mode. After a few puffs, leaving home may seem unnecessary.
Watch Zombie Films:
This isn’t just for entertainment; it’s research. Take notes and rewind important parts for instructional purposes.
Dine at Chinese Restaurants:
If you think eating Chinese food will increase your risk of infection, you’re proving that fear wrong. Plus, it’s delicious!
Avoid Corona Beer:
This has nothing to do with the virus—Corona just isn’t a great tasting beer, in my opinion.
Leave Your Cult:
Cults are known to be hotspots for disease, so if you’re part of one, it’s time to exit.
Seriously, Leave Your Cult:
They might claim everything is fine, but it clearly isn’t. It’s time to go.
Skip Friends’ Open Mic Nights:
Silver linings will emerge from this situation, like avoiding awkward performances.
Google Your Symptoms:
Use the surveillance state wisely; it’s crucial during these times to provide accurate information.
Wash Your Hands and Avoid Touching Your Face:
This may sound trivial, but it's worth considering.
Shave Your Beard:
If you find yourself touching your face frequently, shaving could be a smart move.
Forget the Beard Shaving:
I tried it, and now I regret it! Keep your beard as is.
In summary, there you have it—your guide to staying safe while keeping a sense of humor. You’re welcome!
Chapter 2: Practical Advice for COVID-19 Recovery
This video titled "How To Get Rid Of COVID Coronavirus Recovery" provides essential insights into navigating recovery from the virus. It emphasizes practical steps that can help.
In "3 Simple Steps to Stop COVID," the video outlines straightforward measures to mitigate the spread of the virus. It's a must-watch for anyone looking for effective solutions.